realization #42

I chop stewed beef at 10pm.

I'm tired and blind, from having stared at a computer screen for 8 hours straight, and coming home to Demando Rodriguez on another hunger strike, and the routine of feeding, wrestling, bathing, diapering, 7 books (read REALLY fast), 2 renditions of Love Me Tender, half a Twinkle Twinkle, 3 hugs, and exit to crying (sigh).

I want to sit on the couch and watch bootleg episodes of Project Runway off of a chinese website, and eat whatever the food fairies hand me, and then roll off to bed.

But instead, I chop stewed beef at 10pm, so that we and DR will have something healthy (goddamit) to eat TOMORROW night, for once (goddamit).

And then it HITS me out of nowhere.

Mom didn't chop 4 pounds of raw chicken thighs at 11pm in front of the television every night because she was a night owl and loved to start cooking right before midnight!

MOM CHOPPED CHICKEN IN FRONT OF THE TV AT UNGODLY HOURS BECAUSE SHE WORKED ALL DAY, CAME HOME AND DEALT WITH US ALL EVENING, AND HAD TO START COOKING AT THE UNGODLY HOUR BECAUSE OTHERWISE WE WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO EAT THE NEXT DAY. AND SHE WATCHED TV BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO SIT AND WATCH SOME GODDAMN TV FINALLY, EVEN IF SHE DID HAVE TO KEEP ONE EYE ON THE GODDAMN CHICKEN!

Oh! Oooooohhhhhhh. Now I get it. I goddamn get it.