McCain is really a squid

Sources close to the McCain campaign have revealed that the Presidential hopeful is really a squid and not a man.
"It's obvious. I'm surprised nobody has caught on at all yet," said a reputable source that wished to remain anonymous. "It's all just an elaborate costume, like that creature from Men In Black that wears the skin of that farmer dude it eats."
Other sources confirmed that the cantankerous old candidate goes home every night, removes his human costume, and is promptly dumped in a small salt water pool by Cindy McCain where he sleeps at night.
"It's a long process," said an anonymous source nicknamed "Katherine." "First he has to remove his 'gloves.' That's when you see the purple tentacles. Then the suit comes off and then the head. I find it most disconcerting when the gloves come off first. Seeing John standing there in a full suit, smiling that creepy smile with tentacles coming out of his sleeves is enough to make anyone start praying to God." Luckily for Katherine, she is a Christian, and her prayers to the Lord to not be fed to McCain so far have been answered.
According to McCain historian Neil McKackley, the story begins in the jungles of Vietnam. While his official biography says that McCain was held prisoner for five years in a North Vietnamese POW camp, what actually happened is that McCain was abducted by squid people from an unknown galaxy and planet and his skin was used to plant moles around the country.
"When John came back from Vietnam, he was a different person," said McKackley. "And it wasn't because he was tortured in jail for five years, it was because he was no longer John McCain. He was a squid. Why do you think his marriage went sour when he got back? Why do you think he can't raise his arms above his head? Why do you think he has that oversized left jaw? It's because there are limits to what the body can do when occupied by a squid."
Official statement has not been made at this time by McCain over the squid allegations.
"It's truly a frightening thing," said Katherine. "But that's why he's with the Republican party. Most of those guys are squids, lizards, oversized space bugs, or just sentient bags of shit. There's an agenda there. I mean, just look at their archaic view on abortion: it's not for moral reasons, it's because they eat babies. They need more. How do you think McCain is so active nowadays at his age? He's living on a straight diet of baby meat."