Official Notification to the Residents of Apartment #9:

A retroactive breakfast tax has been levied, effective as of August 1, 2008.

All inhabitants, save the Resident Collection Agent, will be taxed a percentage (to be determined on a daily basis) of the following breakfast items:

Crispy flakes (whole grain or otherwise)

Granola bits

Blueberries (or other fruit)

Cereal milk

Buttered toast

Pancakes

Miscellaneous

In paying the breakfast tax, residents should attend to the following procedures and regulations:

1) The breakfast tax will only be collected AFTER the Agent has finished his requisite oatmeal and yogurt.

2) The Agent must be seated upon the lap of Resident B. Substitutions will not be tolerated.

3) Residents must make their deposits in a regular, orderly manner, at the pace required by the Agent. Residents must not be distracted by their own pursuits during the tax collection period, as this may disrupt the flow.

4) The tax amount will be determined by the Agent, and only the Agent.

IMPORTANT: Deviations from or avoidance of the breakfast tax will not be tolerated under any circumstance. Penalties for doing so will be immediate, relentless, and very, very loud.


Resident B & The Resident Collection Agent