wedding reception small talk

Man: Are you a relative of Joan or Rob?
Woman: No. College friend, actually.
Man: Ah. I’m at Rob’s firm. They look good together, huh?
Woman: They sure do.
Man: I didn’t know Rob could dance.
Woman: No one did.
Man: Are you married?
Woman: You mean legally? Or, am I emotionally and physically committed to someone?
Man: Uh, either, I guess.
Woman: Then yes, I am.
Man: Oh. Which is it?
Woman: Does it matter?
Man: Well, it seems to matter to you.
Woman: It does matter to me and it shouldn’t to you, but I’ll tell you anyway: the latter.
Man: The latter.
Woman: Yes. Have you been paying attention?
Man: Of course.
Woman: So we understand each other.
Man: I guess.
(PAUSE)
Man: So, wait—can I ask you out?
Woman: That depends. Are you a smarmy douchebag?
Man: Well, yes.
Woman: Then, by all means, do proceed.
Man: Can I call you som—
Woman: No, sorry. I’m married.