"The Last Time Gerard Butler Kicked This Much Ass, it Was 300 Years Ago"
Is this the worst movie trailer since "Snake Eyes"? Discuss!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
McCarthy Should've Nailed Flipper to the Wall
Everyone knows China is going to be the next superpower. They're making all the money, they're building up an immunity to lead ... Now, they're the only ones who can deflect pirate attacks. And they do it with their newest military force: dolphins.
Apparently, Somali pirates were about to attack a Chinese vessel when a pod of dolphins frolicked so mightily that it scared off the would-be attackers.
My favorite quote comes from the Chinese press:
Good Lord, what happens when they turn that awesome sea-might against us?
Fuck the beach. This summer, I'm staying indoors, turning out the lights and padlocking every toilet seat closed. I'll launch volleys of helium-filled balloons with patriotic slogans such as, "CHOKE ON DEMOCRACY!" or, "DON'T DOUBLE-BACKFLIP TO TAILWALK ON ME!"
I'll also be learning Mandarin, Cantonese and Squeak-clicking just in case my plan fails. I suggest you all do the same.
Apparently, Somali pirates were about to attack a Chinese vessel when a pod of dolphins frolicked so mightily that it scared off the would-be attackers.
My favorite quote comes from the Chinese press:
Chinese news agency Xinhua claimed the pirates 'could only lament their littleness before the vast number of dolphins'.Can you blame them? Just look at the scary bastards!
Good Lord, what happens when they turn that awesome sea-might against us?
Fuck the beach. This summer, I'm staying indoors, turning out the lights and padlocking every toilet seat closed. I'll launch volleys of helium-filled balloons with patriotic slogans such as, "CHOKE ON DEMOCRACY!" or, "DON'T DOUBLE-BACKFLIP TO TAILWALK ON ME!"
I'll also be learning Mandarin, Cantonese and Squeak-clicking just in case my plan fails. I suggest you all do the same.
Monday, March 23, 2009
karaoke notes
to sing at next karaoke outing:
Boston's "More Than a Feeling"
to have skim sing at next karaoke outing:
John Mayer's "Clarity" - but just the woo-oo part
Boston's "More Than a Feeling"
to have skim sing at next karaoke outing:
John Mayer's "Clarity" - but just the woo-oo part
Friday, March 20, 2009
play 3
(lights up)
A: I'm so tired.
B: Just hang on.
A: I can't. My front legs are so weak.
B: Listen to me. We just have to make it to morning.
A: I love you.
B: What? No! Wait...
A: Good bye.
B: IRMA! MOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(lights down)
A: I'm so tired.
B: Just hang on.
A: I can't. My front legs are so weak.
B: Listen to me. We just have to make it to morning.
A: I love you.
B: What? No! Wait...
A: Good bye.
B: IRMA! MOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(lights down)
play 2
(lights up)
A: I keep losing things.
B: Gina stole your razor.
A: I always knew she hated me.
B: Gina is a man.
(lights down)
A: I keep losing things.
B: Gina stole your razor.
A: I always knew she hated me.
B: Gina is a man.
(lights down)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
30 second plays
I propose a new group writing project. 30 Second Plays. Here's my first contribution (recycled):
Play 1
(lights up)
A: Check.
B: What? Damn.
B: Hold up. Check mate!
A: Fuck.
(lights down)
Play 1
(lights up)
A: Check.
B: What? Damn.
B: Hold up. Check mate!
A: Fuck.
(lights down)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Daily dose of disgusting
You know, I read "The Tale of Desperaux," and I don't remember anything about him being ugly as fuck.
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